One issue that I find a lot of people dealing with is how to remain in a semi-relationship or friendship relationship with a soul mate that is not longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you.
I always answer that question by asking a question......Are you remaining in their life hoping for some type of outcome? What is your expectation of them in a friendship role? Are you hoping by staying their friend they will return in the future?. Are you wanting to hear, I'm so sorry for leaving..I love you and will do anything to make this work? If your answer is yes...then for the sake of your own growth, you can't have the SM in your life in any capacity.
I see it often where the "runner" will return to want to be your "friend", soon after they've left the relationship.....because they know they miss communicating with you, but they aren't ready to offer you the true relationship that you're wanting. And, the one that is broken hearted "thinks" that by allowing this friendship to be, will eventually bring the SM back. Well, you may not be entirely wrong. It could, but more then likely it's a premature return. Too soon that the person running hasn't done any growing. And, if allowed too soon then you'll find yourself going through the same pattern and cycle once again.
What will happen is you'll try to maintain this arm's length type distance with your emotions. Then, when you have communication and you didn't hear what you wanted you will find yourself right back to square one. Crying, unbalanced, angry, etc... you'll be overcome with all sorts of emotions that just send you for a loop again. Throwing you right back into what seems like a sea of emotions with no life jacket to keep you afloat.
Every time you experience this upset, your growth stagnates. You'll find you harden somewhere in your heart and all the work you've been doing to find your self love will be washed away, yet again. Then, you'll have to go through the process of trying to find your balance and the place where you're not hurting, crying and angry 24 hours a day.
Now I'm not saying that a day won't come when you can't be a friend to your SM. But, in my opinion this comes further down the road when you're already healed and to the point where you don't have any expections or want anything from the SM other then simply their presence as a friend in your life. That day will come, even though in the beginning it seems like just a fantasy and so far away. When that day comes you will recognize it as REAL unconditional love for yourself and for the other person.
My end point here is this; You must give yourself the love, support and time for healing. You must put yourself and your emotional well being first and foremost. If you don't allow yourself to have the proper healing then you could find yourself in the pain and suffering for a very long time. Walking away from the situation as it is, is your FIRST and most IMPORTANT step to unconditional love for yourself and the SM.
Once you are at this place you will find one of two things. Either the SM has ALSO found this place of pure love and you could have the opportunity to try the relationship again as two souls that have grown to a place that allows the connection to work, or, you will have grown so much that you will not want the romantic relationship back and the new doors for another SM will open. This time drawing a person to you that is more at your growth level thus allowing you the opportunity to have the healthy SM relationship that you deserve.
I always answer that question by asking a question......Are you remaining in their life hoping for some type of outcome? What is your expectation of them in a friendship role? Are you hoping by staying their friend they will return in the future?. Are you wanting to hear, I'm so sorry for leaving..I love you and will do anything to make this work? If your answer is yes...then for the sake of your own growth, you can't have the SM in your life in any capacity.
I see it often where the "runner" will return to want to be your "friend", soon after they've left the relationship.....because they know they miss communicating with you, but they aren't ready to offer you the true relationship that you're wanting. And, the one that is broken hearted "thinks" that by allowing this friendship to be, will eventually bring the SM back. Well, you may not be entirely wrong. It could, but more then likely it's a premature return. Too soon that the person running hasn't done any growing. And, if allowed too soon then you'll find yourself going through the same pattern and cycle once again.
What will happen is you'll try to maintain this arm's length type distance with your emotions. Then, when you have communication and you didn't hear what you wanted you will find yourself right back to square one. Crying, unbalanced, angry, etc... you'll be overcome with all sorts of emotions that just send you for a loop again. Throwing you right back into what seems like a sea of emotions with no life jacket to keep you afloat.
Every time you experience this upset, your growth stagnates. You'll find you harden somewhere in your heart and all the work you've been doing to find your self love will be washed away, yet again. Then, you'll have to go through the process of trying to find your balance and the place where you're not hurting, crying and angry 24 hours a day.
Now I'm not saying that a day won't come when you can't be a friend to your SM. But, in my opinion this comes further down the road when you're already healed and to the point where you don't have any expections or want anything from the SM other then simply their presence as a friend in your life. That day will come, even though in the beginning it seems like just a fantasy and so far away. When that day comes you will recognize it as REAL unconditional love for yourself and for the other person.
My end point here is this; You must give yourself the love, support and time for healing. You must put yourself and your emotional well being first and foremost. If you don't allow yourself to have the proper healing then you could find yourself in the pain and suffering for a very long time. Walking away from the situation as it is, is your FIRST and most IMPORTANT step to unconditional love for yourself and the SM.
Once you are at this place you will find one of two things. Either the SM has ALSO found this place of pure love and you could have the opportunity to try the relationship again as two souls that have grown to a place that allows the connection to work, or, you will have grown so much that you will not want the romantic relationship back and the new doors for another SM will open. This time drawing a person to you that is more at your growth level thus allowing you the opportunity to have the healthy SM relationship that you deserve.
© copyrite 2008
No comments:
Post a Comment